I'm not ever someone to say I'm perfect. And I never want to say or act like I am. I have many flaws but in all of it I know Jesus still loves me, and I'm forever grateful.
There's some things I do really well in life and some other ones i screw up and fall short on really really badly, but I think the thing i've learned the most is that our failures don't have to be the end all be all but the point where we learn and grow so that we can be better.
Recently I've failed badly. I hurt someone that I never wanted to hurt. I lost someone I didn't want to ever lose. And the pain I feel inside is more than anything I've ever felt emotionally, to the point that it is turning into a physical ache. And actually like being physically sick. And the majority of the time when i do things like this i am the hardest person on myself and judge myself the worst, because i think i expect myself to be perfect.
But I’m not.
I’m not perfect and i have to constantly remind myself of that.
Jesus was and is perfect, and I’m certainly not Jesus.
But what i am is someone who loves Jesus and thankfully through that i am forgiven. And i know this because of scripture. And honestly i know this more so by hearing the Lord speak to me and talk to me daily.
Honestly some days i wonder how God isn’t like, “dude i shouldn’t have created this guy.” But he did because he loves, and he doesn’t ever say that because he loves. I’m so thankful for this.
I know i have to deal with my mistakes and stupid things that i do but i also know that Jesus covers me in grace along with the justice he shows. That grace is so important because without it we all fall short of God, but Jesus fills that gap for us.
To the person i hurt. I’m sorry. More than sorry. I really screwed up and it wasn’t because i don’t care or I don’t love you, it’s just I’m dumb and human and a guy. Maybe those aren’t good reasons but it’s what i have.
And i ask for your forgiveness and for a chance to prove to you that my actions aren’t a reflection of me. I’m asking for another chance. Begging.
A lot of people may not understand this but it’s all I’ve got. I wear my heart on my sleeve and do stupid stuff because of it, but when you care about people you’ve gotta get the message to them. I’m asking for grace and forgiveness and another chance.
And i’ll Always fail. Every day. No doubt about it. But i promise to always fail forward and to be better because of my failures. Just let me show it.
I’m thankful for Jesus. I’m thankful for his grace. I pray for more wisdom and better decision making sometimes....a lot of times. But I’m thankful for what he does and the whispers he shares with me and guiding me through this crazy adventure of life. If you don’t know his grace and love then i dare you to check it out. It’s crazy awesome and so amazing. It’s the best thing you could ever do.
And for the person this is for. I’m sorry. This is for the world to see and I’m sorry. Please let me show you. I’ll even sing a song or do a dance. Or both haha.
Tuesday, January 1, 2019
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
He has overcome
"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have over come the world."
-John 16:33
This was a verse that a very good friend of mine wrote on a note card to me (along with another note under it) last summer when I was getting frustrated with some things. Under the verse he wrote, "I know this is a big time coffee mug, t-shirt verse, but it's true. Take heart: Christ has over come everything: Even the stuff in your life, have peace, because Christ has overcome the world and in him you can live."
I am so thankful my friend wrote this note card to me to help me out with what I was frustrated with.
I found the note card in my bible as I was opening up my laptop to write this blog and just really remembered how true that verse is, and the words that my buddy wrote under the verse are. For us to know that we have peace in the Lord and that no matter what happens in our life, any struggles we may have, Christ has already overcome them all, he has overcome the whole world.
All that comes to my mind when reading that is, God is bigger.
It brings a peace to me reading that verse knowing that no matter what tribulation comes my way, it's ok because since I am in Christ I don't have to go through the tribulation alone, I have Christ with me to go though it. AND WHAT'S EVEN MORE AWESOME IS THAT HE HAS ALREADY OVERCOME IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO THERE'S NO DOUBT THAT WE WILL POWER THROUGH THE TRIBULATION AND MOVE ON!!!!!!!!!! How amazing is that??????
Another verse that I love that I think goes well with this is Galatians 5:1
"Christ has liberated us into freedom. Therefore stand firm and don't submit again to a yoke of slavery."
Because in John in say's Christ has over come the world already, which in turn (as it says in Galatians) Christ has liberated us and given us freedom from the slavery of sin!
The key to all of this I think is that we have to rely on God and make sure we are putting Christ first and trusting in him. Because going through tough times is not that great when you aren't trusting in God and knowing he has already overcome it for you. When we aren't trusting in him and letting him lead us then it is very easy for us to fall into sin.
And it's like something I read yesterday in my devotion, we are very high maintenance creatures, beings, whatever you want to call us, and we go to sin because it is something simple and easy to get to and do, but sin isn't something that can sustain us because of our high maintenance, the only thing that can fill us up and suffice for our neediness and our high maintenance is God.
God already knew this long ago also, so he sent his only son to die for our sins. He overcame the world so that we would have freedom and peace, so that in our times of tribulation we could, instead of fall into the slavery of sin, trust and rely on Christ because he has overcome all of it already.
How incredible, what an amazing love.
-John 16:33
This was a verse that a very good friend of mine wrote on a note card to me (along with another note under it) last summer when I was getting frustrated with some things. Under the verse he wrote, "I know this is a big time coffee mug, t-shirt verse, but it's true. Take heart: Christ has over come everything: Even the stuff in your life, have peace, because Christ has overcome the world and in him you can live."
I am so thankful my friend wrote this note card to me to help me out with what I was frustrated with.
I found the note card in my bible as I was opening up my laptop to write this blog and just really remembered how true that verse is, and the words that my buddy wrote under the verse are. For us to know that we have peace in the Lord and that no matter what happens in our life, any struggles we may have, Christ has already overcome them all, he has overcome the whole world.
All that comes to my mind when reading that is, God is bigger.
It brings a peace to me reading that verse knowing that no matter what tribulation comes my way, it's ok because since I am in Christ I don't have to go through the tribulation alone, I have Christ with me to go though it. AND WHAT'S EVEN MORE AWESOME IS THAT HE HAS ALREADY OVERCOME IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO THERE'S NO DOUBT THAT WE WILL POWER THROUGH THE TRIBULATION AND MOVE ON!!!!!!!!!! How amazing is that??????
Another verse that I love that I think goes well with this is Galatians 5:1
"Christ has liberated us into freedom. Therefore stand firm and don't submit again to a yoke of slavery."
Because in John in say's Christ has over come the world already, which in turn (as it says in Galatians) Christ has liberated us and given us freedom from the slavery of sin!
The key to all of this I think is that we have to rely on God and make sure we are putting Christ first and trusting in him. Because going through tough times is not that great when you aren't trusting in God and knowing he has already overcome it for you. When we aren't trusting in him and letting him lead us then it is very easy for us to fall into sin.
And it's like something I read yesterday in my devotion, we are very high maintenance creatures, beings, whatever you want to call us, and we go to sin because it is something simple and easy to get to and do, but sin isn't something that can sustain us because of our high maintenance, the only thing that can fill us up and suffice for our neediness and our high maintenance is God.
God already knew this long ago also, so he sent his only son to die for our sins. He overcame the world so that we would have freedom and peace, so that in our times of tribulation we could, instead of fall into the slavery of sin, trust and rely on Christ because he has overcome all of it already.
How incredible, what an amazing love.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Weathered
Sometimes in my life I feel so worn down and unable to do anything right. I feel like no matter what I do it's just wrong. It's like I'm worn and weathered from being beaten down by the world or something; maybe just by getting frustrated at anything and everything in my life. It's those times when I feel the most distant from God, feeling like I just can't please Him because I am beating myself down and feeling disappointed in myself more than anything.
When I start feeling that way I always try to remember that nothing I do makes God mad at me or love me less, no matter what I do or how much sin I commit. Which is honestly a tough concept to grasp, because there's not a person on the face of the earth that does that, so we are used to people being disappointed in us or mad at us for things that we may do wrong. But that is what is so amazing about God is that no matter what we do, He loves us more than we could imagine, and even though we don't deserve that love, He is always and forever faithful.
I feel like the times when I get this weathered feeling is when I start to drift some from the Lord and from what I am supposed to be doing in continuing to pursue Him with all I have, or when things just aren't going how I want them to.
When Christmas break started this year and I went home I started to get off from doing my quiet time and spending my time with the Lord, and then it continued once school got back into the swing of things. I would do it occasionally but it wasn't consistent the way it needed to be, and I just found myself getting frustrated with things and people so easily......especially if it wasn't going the way that I thought that it should, or if someone wasn't doing something the way I thought it needed to; then I began to get that weathered feeling because I was so worn down and tired from it. It sucks. I'm honestly still going through it to some extent now. I feel like right now I can't always be who I am because I feel like there are people who want and expect me to be something different and if I act the way the I am then they think less of me......but that's a story for a different time.
There are two things that I try to keep on the for front of my mind in these times.....and always try to keep them on my mind really, but they are
1) It's not about me. Ever. And never will be. It's about glorifying God with every single breath that I have, and making it about me or what I think everything should be is taking that glory from God.
2) God is always faithful and nothing I do could ever make Him love me less, and that because of this I should not get disappointed in myself, yet be convicted of what I have done and work to improve it to then in turn glorify God in the situation.
-"If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself." -2 Timothy 2:13
--Faithfulness-True to one's word, promises vows, etc. Steady in allegiance of affection; loyal; constant; faithful friends. reliable, trusted, or beloved. Adhering or true to fact; a standard, or an original; accurate.
---Those definitions show that God is true to His word. He is steady in allegiance and loyal to us. He is reliable, and trustworthy. He is true to fact, He set the standard, He is the original, and He is accurate in what He says.
How awesome is that!!!!!! No matter what we do God loves us that much and is that faithful to us. That sets me on fire just thinking about it.
In the weathered times in our lives, when it seems like the rain won't stop falling down and the wind won't stop blowing, we must remember that God is our solid rock and that He loves us despite the sin we release in the storm, and the frustration we have.God is faithful forever, no matter what. What an amazing God we have.
I hope this wasn't too all over the place. It's been a while since I wrote a blog, and I just decided I would do it again. I feel like it was pretty random and all over the place, but hopefully someone relates or gets something out of this.
I'm praying for all of you, and I hope that you have an awesome day!
When I start feeling that way I always try to remember that nothing I do makes God mad at me or love me less, no matter what I do or how much sin I commit. Which is honestly a tough concept to grasp, because there's not a person on the face of the earth that does that, so we are used to people being disappointed in us or mad at us for things that we may do wrong. But that is what is so amazing about God is that no matter what we do, He loves us more than we could imagine, and even though we don't deserve that love, He is always and forever faithful.
I feel like the times when I get this weathered feeling is when I start to drift some from the Lord and from what I am supposed to be doing in continuing to pursue Him with all I have, or when things just aren't going how I want them to.
When Christmas break started this year and I went home I started to get off from doing my quiet time and spending my time with the Lord, and then it continued once school got back into the swing of things. I would do it occasionally but it wasn't consistent the way it needed to be, and I just found myself getting frustrated with things and people so easily......especially if it wasn't going the way that I thought that it should, or if someone wasn't doing something the way I thought it needed to; then I began to get that weathered feeling because I was so worn down and tired from it. It sucks. I'm honestly still going through it to some extent now. I feel like right now I can't always be who I am because I feel like there are people who want and expect me to be something different and if I act the way the I am then they think less of me......but that's a story for a different time.
There are two things that I try to keep on the for front of my mind in these times.....and always try to keep them on my mind really, but they are
1) It's not about me. Ever. And never will be. It's about glorifying God with every single breath that I have, and making it about me or what I think everything should be is taking that glory from God.
2) God is always faithful and nothing I do could ever make Him love me less, and that because of this I should not get disappointed in myself, yet be convicted of what I have done and work to improve it to then in turn glorify God in the situation.
-"If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself." -2 Timothy 2:13
--Faithfulness-True to one's word, promises vows, etc. Steady in allegiance of affection; loyal; constant; faithful friends. reliable, trusted, or beloved. Adhering or true to fact; a standard, or an original; accurate.
---Those definitions show that God is true to His word. He is steady in allegiance and loyal to us. He is reliable, and trustworthy. He is true to fact, He set the standard, He is the original, and He is accurate in what He says.
How awesome is that!!!!!! No matter what we do God loves us that much and is that faithful to us. That sets me on fire just thinking about it.
In the weathered times in our lives, when it seems like the rain won't stop falling down and the wind won't stop blowing, we must remember that God is our solid rock and that He loves us despite the sin we release in the storm, and the frustration we have.God is faithful forever, no matter what. What an amazing God we have.
I hope this wasn't too all over the place. It's been a while since I wrote a blog, and I just decided I would do it again. I feel like it was pretty random and all over the place, but hopefully someone relates or gets something out of this.
I'm praying for all of you, and I hope that you have an awesome day!
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
So it's been a while....
The past few days I've been going through a lot and going through a lot of pain inside me. When I say pain I mean that I've just been shattered completely inside. But it's ok. Thankfully I have awesome friends who continue to show care and support towards me and just check on me through everything, and I have an amazing God who continue's to show me a lot of stuff through this time in my life.
I have been learning a lot about myself since monday and I have a lot to still see from God I'm certain. One of the main things I have learned is just that I need to make Him my focus more because He hasn't been my main focus lately, and also that Satan can use things in our life that is bad, and he can make it look worse and make us feel miserable and totally unhappy. What I mean by that is that Satan can tell you what I like to call a half truth. Like how in Matthew chapter 4 he tempted Jesus and used scripture against Jesus that was true, but he didn't use all the scripture and Jesus responded with the scripture that answers what Satan was trying to tempt Him with. Satan does the same with us. He uses things in our life to try to show us how bad we have been and how much we have sinned, which is good that we see that, but then he uses it to make us miserable with where we are and he uses that to ruin other things in our lives that could be incredible because Satan knows these things are dangerous towards him. We must make sure that no matter we are focusing on God and that when we are tempted with something from Satan it could be something that looks right and we see our sin, but then he starts to poke at us and make us simply miserable and unhappy in our life because of this stuff. We have to use the sin we have in our life and use it as motivation to do better and work to not have a problem with that sin or struggle in our life.
I'm sorry that it's been so long that I have posted a blog. I've had a lot going on with school and everything lately, trying to work my tail off this semester. Please be praying for me in school because I am really struggling with a class. And also just be praying for God to show His will to me and that I will follow where He leads.
God bless.
I have been learning a lot about myself since monday and I have a lot to still see from God I'm certain. One of the main things I have learned is just that I need to make Him my focus more because He hasn't been my main focus lately, and also that Satan can use things in our life that is bad, and he can make it look worse and make us feel miserable and totally unhappy. What I mean by that is that Satan can tell you what I like to call a half truth. Like how in Matthew chapter 4 he tempted Jesus and used scripture against Jesus that was true, but he didn't use all the scripture and Jesus responded with the scripture that answers what Satan was trying to tempt Him with. Satan does the same with us. He uses things in our life to try to show us how bad we have been and how much we have sinned, which is good that we see that, but then he uses it to make us miserable with where we are and he uses that to ruin other things in our lives that could be incredible because Satan knows these things are dangerous towards him. We must make sure that no matter we are focusing on God and that when we are tempted with something from Satan it could be something that looks right and we see our sin, but then he starts to poke at us and make us simply miserable and unhappy in our life because of this stuff. We have to use the sin we have in our life and use it as motivation to do better and work to not have a problem with that sin or struggle in our life.
I'm sorry that it's been so long that I have posted a blog. I've had a lot going on with school and everything lately, trying to work my tail off this semester. Please be praying for me in school because I am really struggling with a class. And also just be praying for God to show His will to me and that I will follow where He leads.
God bless.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Stress
Today has been an extremely stressful day for me for some reason. Not totally sure why, but a lot of stuff has just hit me today I guess. Things with school has been hitting me a lot and overwhelming me with how much work I am going to have to do in the next few weeks before spring break gets here, which I cannot wait for....I need a break really badly. But what has stressed me out even more is where I need to transfer to next year. I thought I had it all figured out about a week ago to go to USC aiken and I was just gonna go there because it was the most "comfortable" thing for me to do, but the past few days I have had an uneasy feeling inside that I need to go pursue music at Liberty University in VA. That's so far away from everything, my girlfriend, family, and all my friends.
I have been trying to just kind of make the decision and get it over with and hope that the feeling of uneasiness would just go away but that was a total lie. I wanted to go where I felt like it fit better for me; even though I have always wanted to do music. I wanted it to all be about me, when it's never about me, or us. It's always about what God wants us to do and he's going to let us know that some way or another. Just like when I talked about Direction Determines Destination in an older blog, if we don't go where we feel God calling us then we won't be able to be in the position that God has set for us in the future. So I need to take my own advice haha.
I still have a huge uneasiness right now, but it's more just being scared about what to do. I'm not making a final decision right now because I definitely want to spend time in prayer about it and make sure this is what I need to do. It's just been stressing me out to the max. Luckily I have an awesome girlfriend who supports me in whatever and told me that if I feel like i need to go that far away then that's ok and that's what I should do. She's awesome.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding and He will make your path straight"
-Proverbs 3:5-6
Those are my favorite verses and I really need to focus on them more right now. Please be praying for clarity for me. Thank you.
"It's your love that we adore
It's like a sea without a shore,
Don't be afraid, Don't be afraid
Just set your sail and risk the ocean,
show me grace,
let's risk the ocean,
show me your grace,
let's risk the ocean,
show me your grace,
let's risk the ocean."
-David Crowder Band
I have been trying to just kind of make the decision and get it over with and hope that the feeling of uneasiness would just go away but that was a total lie. I wanted to go where I felt like it fit better for me; even though I have always wanted to do music. I wanted it to all be about me, when it's never about me, or us. It's always about what God wants us to do and he's going to let us know that some way or another. Just like when I talked about Direction Determines Destination in an older blog, if we don't go where we feel God calling us then we won't be able to be in the position that God has set for us in the future. So I need to take my own advice haha.
I still have a huge uneasiness right now, but it's more just being scared about what to do. I'm not making a final decision right now because I definitely want to spend time in prayer about it and make sure this is what I need to do. It's just been stressing me out to the max. Luckily I have an awesome girlfriend who supports me in whatever and told me that if I feel like i need to go that far away then that's ok and that's what I should do. She's awesome.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding and He will make your path straight"
-Proverbs 3:5-6
Those are my favorite verses and I really need to focus on them more right now. Please be praying for clarity for me. Thank you.
"It's your love that we adore
It's like a sea without a shore,
Don't be afraid, Don't be afraid
Just set your sail and risk the ocean,
show me grace,
let's risk the ocean,
show me your grace,
let's risk the ocean,
show me your grace,
let's risk the ocean."
-David Crowder Band
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Friends
A few years ago I made some big changes in my life dealing with who I was and who I surrounded myself with. I was into drinking and partying and doing things that I really shouldn't have been doing. I started drinking a lot too, and it ended up really badly on a Halloween night.
I went to a party dressed as captain morgan, with a handle of captain morgan. Let's just say that it ended very badly when I drank almost the whole handle of capt. on my own...... I was way out of it and didn't have a clue what was going on. To make matters worse I am diabetic. Being blackout drunk and diabetic is not something that goes very well together.
Luckily I had an awesome friend who was with me and who didn't drink. He is a very strong Christian and just an awesome guy. My buddy went to the party with me to just hangout and mingle with people there but was drinking a monster energy drink instead of alcohol (and a lot of people there respected him for doing that btw, even though they were all drinking). My friend checked my bloodsugar to see what it was that night and it ended up being low enough to where I needed to eat something or I would go into diabetic shock and eventually die from being too drunk to function and save myself before shock set in. He stayed up for hours, and this was at around 4am, to try and feed me even though I kept throwing stuff up. He feed me until I finally ate something and kept it down.
Can I just tell you how thankful I am for this guy. I would honestly be dead if he wouldn't have been there with me to save me.
As Christian's this is how we are supposed to be this way to our unsaved friends. They are going to die without us staying with them and trying to keep feed them the Gospel until they get it. I don't mean feed it to them forcefully or anything either, be loving and caring with them. But we have to stay with them before it's to late, we have to care about them the way my friend cared about me and saved my life.
Someone didn't give up on each of us, so we can't give up on anyone else.
I'm thankful for my friend who saved me. So very thankful.
I went to a party dressed as captain morgan, with a handle of captain morgan. Let's just say that it ended very badly when I drank almost the whole handle of capt. on my own...... I was way out of it and didn't have a clue what was going on. To make matters worse I am diabetic. Being blackout drunk and diabetic is not something that goes very well together.
Luckily I had an awesome friend who was with me and who didn't drink. He is a very strong Christian and just an awesome guy. My buddy went to the party with me to just hangout and mingle with people there but was drinking a monster energy drink instead of alcohol (and a lot of people there respected him for doing that btw, even though they were all drinking). My friend checked my bloodsugar to see what it was that night and it ended up being low enough to where I needed to eat something or I would go into diabetic shock and eventually die from being too drunk to function and save myself before shock set in. He stayed up for hours, and this was at around 4am, to try and feed me even though I kept throwing stuff up. He feed me until I finally ate something and kept it down.
Can I just tell you how thankful I am for this guy. I would honestly be dead if he wouldn't have been there with me to save me.
As Christian's this is how we are supposed to be this way to our unsaved friends. They are going to die without us staying with them and trying to keep feed them the Gospel until they get it. I don't mean feed it to them forcefully or anything either, be loving and caring with them. But we have to stay with them before it's to late, we have to care about them the way my friend cared about me and saved my life.
Someone didn't give up on each of us, so we can't give up on anyone else.
I'm thankful for my friend who saved me. So very thankful.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
ipod and patience
Today I have been going through a struggle......with my ipod. All I have wanted to do was play the drums with some new music I bought but my ipod doesn't agree with that and won't let me put the music on there. All I can say is that I am about ready to throw my ipod through a wall.
I have an awful time with patience. With just about anything. Whether it be ignorant people that don't have a clue what they're talking about, my ipod, or people driving around me.
I need to work on this. The basic message of the bible and what it means to be a Christian is to live as Christ did. If i'm going to do this then I have to work on my patience because by myself not being patient I can get mad and upset at people a lot faster.
Jesus was a very patient man while on earth with everyone He came into contact with and with all of the disciples. If He wanted to Jesus could have easily just been like, "yea i'm getting tired of this and I wanna go to heaven now." But instead He stayed on earth and endured all that we do on a daily basis, and was patient and eventually took our place on the cross and took our sins and died for them.
I need to make sure to be patient in all aspects of my life to make sure I stay calm when working around people because people looking at me and seeing that I get mad over something stupid, like my ipod, could completely kill any chance I had at witnessing to them.
We need to make sure we always are lights on earth for God, and that we shine for Him by what we do with our actions.
Pray my ipod starts working please :)
I have an awful time with patience. With just about anything. Whether it be ignorant people that don't have a clue what they're talking about, my ipod, or people driving around me.
I need to work on this. The basic message of the bible and what it means to be a Christian is to live as Christ did. If i'm going to do this then I have to work on my patience because by myself not being patient I can get mad and upset at people a lot faster.
Jesus was a very patient man while on earth with everyone He came into contact with and with all of the disciples. If He wanted to Jesus could have easily just been like, "yea i'm getting tired of this and I wanna go to heaven now." But instead He stayed on earth and endured all that we do on a daily basis, and was patient and eventually took our place on the cross and took our sins and died for them.
I need to make sure to be patient in all aspects of my life to make sure I stay calm when working around people because people looking at me and seeing that I get mad over something stupid, like my ipod, could completely kill any chance I had at witnessing to them.
We need to make sure we always are lights on earth for God, and that we shine for Him by what we do with our actions.
Pray my ipod starts working please :)
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